Final Days & Takeaways

aka: The Miscellaneous

- Overall, the whole cruise was fun. We always have our ups and downs on vacations, but we’re all-in-all getting better at how we travel together, and how to get over our bullshit more quickly.
​
- The food was entirely hit or miss. Particularly the specialty dining. We ate twice at the Steakhouse, Cagney’s, and both times it was delectable. The Asian/Latin fusion restaurant, Food Republic, had spectacular sushi. The other two specialty restaurants we patronized, Le Bistro (French cuisine - I practically needed a chainsaw to cut into the filet I had there, and the fois gras was of odd consistency and enclosed in some weird placenta-like sac, but the meal redeemed itself slightly with the escargot app and marquis au chocolat dessert), and Los Lobos (the Mexican restaurant that was recommended to us by a couple we met at lunch one day, but that I’m going to have to assume were higher than kites when they actually ate at Los Lobos, because absolutely everything we ate had enough sodium chloride in it to keep us in hypertension until we’re both in our 70s, and was so inedible that they ended up refunding our dining credit) were both misses, one just somewhat less than the other. The main complimentary dining rooms fluctuated from pretty good to (again) salty AF. The buffet was pretty good most of the time but got repetitive and boring. The Local had the most consistently decent food, and a good thing since we spent so much time there.

- I expected the Mexican Riviera ports to be my favorites, but I was blown away at just how much I favored them.

- Our room steward, Gede, did some weird shit and had the absolute worst timing. Always. The second you’d run back to the room for 2 minutes to change or grab something is the exact time he’d opt to clean it for the day, even though his cart was nowhere to be seen outside in the hallway. More than once, he walked in to see Jack naked, dick swinging around.

He also had a penchant for taking things from the room he shouldn’t (but not our trash – we went 4 days before he started emptying it) - one day, we saw our boxed water and Gatorade go missing from the fridge, only for two days later, Gede saying he’d put them away for safekeeping and asking us if we had locked the fridge? Come again, buddy? You’re the one with the fridge keys - and leaving shit he should take….. I have no use for a warm Aperol Spritz, or a two-day old mousse cake that’s now only good as an experiment in penicillin.

- At The Local, there was a very clear A-Team (KK, Fernan, & Mikko), and a very clear not-A-Team, which had an old man playing along to every song performed in the Atrium by banging a stirring spoon on all available bottles. Not in rhythm with the song, I might add.

- I was really glad to have packed binoculars, no matter how shitty they were, because it meant that one morning while Jack was sleeping in, I got to watch flying fish and dolphins playing and doing flips next to the ship.

- Jack made fun of me the first time I told him I’d spent so long in the public shitter that the lights went out on me, until he got to experience that several times himself.

- In PV, there was a middle-aged woman who clearly was trying to still be in her sexy prime and not quite hitting the mark, so it was a delight to both make fun of her (not to her face, of course) when she’d get knocked down by a wave, or make her boyfriend/husband take multiple, multiple shots of her doing a ‘sexy’ walk down the beach (which I was more than happy to photobomb). The coups de grace was when she took her sunglasses off and we saw what lay beneath. If you have free time, I’d recommend looking on either the TikTok or the OnlyFans to see if you can find her. Probably under the hashtags #TryingToBeSexy #PinkBikini #LookAtMyBoobsButImTryingToPretendItsAboutMyNecklace #Sunglasses #FallDownGetWet #TryingToPretendLikeMyBoobsAreComingOutButTheyReallyArent #FaceForRadio #HusbandProducer#GoodFromFarFarFromGood. Not nice, I know, but sometimes people make it wayyyyy to easy and you can’t help yourself.

My favorite quotes from this trip:

“Miracle Whip and white bread. Those are the people who like their mojitos this sweet.”
(at the Sugarcane Mojito Bar)

“I just don’t think there’s a need for a tuba at the beach.”
(at Stone Island in Mazatlan)

“Cruises can really bring out the Walmart in people.”
(I don’t particularly remember where, but could apply to any number of situations)

“I can’t wait to get home and do laundry. That way our clothes don’t smell like sweat, salt, and geriatrics.”
(in our cabin on the last day)




​